Lost Hope

When all is well and one has nothing to loose something bad always happens or at least to me. I had big dreams and my life was made out for me or so I thought. At the age of sixteen one has a lot to offer the world especially when in your final year of high school and you seventeenth birthday a week away. I thought the world could only get better never did i ever think that it would get worse. Quite a great Friday afternoon it was, big dreams and great ambitions to do my best not to become yet another statistic of teenage pregnancy, well that would happen as i was terrified of sex, terrified of what could happen, pregnancy, HIV, and all the sorts of diseases that are sexually transmitted. On this Friday afternoon i was excited not only to be in my final high school year but also to home, I had a lot on my mind as i wanted to get home by all means. I wanted to tell my father exactly what i wanted for my birthday which was a week away. I guess all that excitement disappeared as soon as I felt a knife on my throat, at that moment all I wanted was to first not get killed then the money mother had saved for me so I can buy the new matric uniform, it was my ultimate dream to see myself in that uniform as i helped as part of the matric committee t help get it accepted by the SGB and by the school, more that getting into med-school that was my dream. He did not just take my pride and virginity he took that money, the money that my mother saved just so that I can have that uniform. I am generally a lazy person, I hate sports and anything related to it but on this day i could not breath let alone walk, I felt like a child who was only learning how to stand on his/her own for the first time, it was so hard to get up from the pile of dirt after he had taken everything from me, my pride, my dreams, my ambitions and all my reasons of being alive at that time. I did not want the uniform anymore and I trashed all my dreams of becoming a gynecologist, I had nothing to live for, I hated school, stopped going outside the house, refused to see a therapist and most of all stopped going to school. Then one day it clicked, my biggest fear had caught up with me even though I was not pregnant but I was part the RAPED victims and everyone was feeling sorry for me and I was a statistic. Even though at that point nothing made sense, one thing surely did I was not gonna allow myself to be part of a bigger group of high school drop-out and that thought was not sexy at all. Although people felt sorry for me I felt like I was given a purpose to help those who were just like me but could not speak out about it. That purpose I will fulfill at the end of it all. I am not a victim of rape but I am A RAPED CHILD!